


"What Seems To Be The Problem?"

by MariaMediaOverThere



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Awkwardness, Humor, M/M, PAX East, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor, What Have I Done, proctology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariaMediaOverThere/pseuds/MariaMediaOverThere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Inspired by PAX East 2016: Markiplier And Friends' game of FUNemployment</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dr. McLoughlin is a proctologist.<br/>Mark Fischbach is a guy who got too overzealous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"What Seems To Be The Problem?"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [razorbladecass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/razorbladecass/gifts).



> My marriage proposal to @razorbladecass

"There's no easy way to say this," the attractive man in front of him said as he ran his hand through his red mane, "I have a dildo stuck in my ass."

Dr. McLoughlin blinked, not sure if he caught that right. "Come again?"

"Trying not to." The patient immediately groaned and covered his face, "I'm sorry! I couldn't resist! I'm a lot of of pain right now, so-"

 

"How badly does it hurt?"

The man in front of him took his hand away to reveal a pair of gorgeously brown eyes. "Not like that. It... I..." He fumbled before he simply gestured to his crotch area, "It's stuck like that. I tried to cover it up and arrange it so that... but... yeah..."

 

"Ah."

"Yep. Ah." The redhead parroted, looking away in shame.

 

The good doctor had to remind himself he was in a professional workplace and thus had to stop imagining what this cute guy in front of him looks like a dildo in his ass. Matter of fact, he'd probably bare witness to it eventually.

"Don't worry, Mr. uh..." The Irishman glanced at the paper in his hand that the nurse had left for him, "Fischbach. You're in good hands."

 

The patient merely squirmed uncomfortably, albeit with a soft smile. He was too fucking precious.

 

 

 

"You know, you should have used a flared base."

"Wh-What?" Mark- he had wanted to be called- croaked out. He lay on his back with his legs in stirrups, as if he was going to be giving birth.  
The x-ray had revealed that the foreign object was lodged too deep inside Mark's rectum to be able to extract with him simply bent over the table. They had to go through more desperate means, much to Mark's chagrin.

 

"Flared base." Dr. McLoughlin repeated, sterilizing his equipment. "You know, so it doesn't..."

"Get sucked inside my asshole."

"Basically." The doctor laughed. Control yourself, he mentally scolded. "It's sort of common knowledge after all."

Mark rolled his eyes, but his tone was more humiliated than annoyed, "Forgive me, it's my first time."

 

The Irishman felt every muscle in his body tense. "First time?" He coughed. "Shouldn't you have... asked for help?"

"I sort of live alone," his red-haired man divulged, "and I'm... how the kids say... 'single as fuck'."

 

"But you're such a good lookin' guy!" The doctor blurted before he could stop himself.

Mark seemed to turn redder. "Isn't there some sort of policy that doesn't let you hit on people you're working on?"

"I'm not... I'm not hitting on you," Dr. McLoughlin stumbled, raising the forceps up to the light to verify its cleanliness. "It's just the truth."

 

Mark felt himself becoming red. "I'll remember that..." He mumbled before letting his hands fall to his sides as he saw the doctor approach him with some scary looking contraptions, and prayed for the best.

 

This has been the most intimate anyone had ever seen him in months. There wasn't any darkness or horniness to cover anything up either.  
It was so clinical- to just view his family jewels for all the world to see under a bright light.

He almost wished for the sweet release of death.

Gratefully, it was only himself and the first name-less doctor in the room, upon his request. Ungratefully, the doctor was hella cute with a slender frame.  
Even worse, he totally still had a raging boner because his fucking dildo was a vibrator currently on AAA batteries and won't stop jabbing his prostate.

 

He could see the doctor's blue eyes look down, between his legs, then immediately look away.

Shit.

He didn't have any time to clean up, because he was too busy panicking. Mark's asshole was still slick with lube.

"Well, at least I won't have t'prep ya anymore..."

 

Mark DEFINITELY wished for the sweet release of death.

 

 

 

"Here."

Mark looked down and saw his dildo inside a ziplock back. Mark felt like fainting shortly thereafter.

"Don't you have like... a not-see-through bag...?" His usually deep voice croaked.

 

The doctor smiled-warmly, before his other hand came out from behind his back to reveal a brown paper bag that he was hiding.

"I wanted t'see if ya could walk outta here with that ziplock only."

"Asshole." Mark grumbled, before snatching the bag from the doctor's nimble fingers.

 

"That's DOCTOR Asshole t'you." His Irish accent made the 'r' roll, "Certified proctologist."

Mark huffed, feeling spiritually offended towards the warmth of the doctor's smile, "I take it you see a lot of ass, then. How does mine fair?"

"Yers would be one of my favorites." The Irishman's cocky demeanor was left unwavering. He batted his eyelashes, "It certainly was one of the least resistant."

 

The redhead felt himself groan once more. Patches of red started to surface on his skin from the embarrassment- confidence ebbing away. "You're not like my other doctors."

 

The mess of green hair- both unusual at yet just right for that man- merely shrugged. "What can I say? I'm loose." He added quickly, "Just like yer anus."

"Will you please stop talking about my anus." Mark hid his shame inside the paper bag. "It's not like you don't see a lot all the time already, besides ass.

"True true..." He scratched his stubble, "Both in and out of the workplace."

 

"You mean...?"

The doctor smiled- this time soft and meek. He looked down to his white shoes. "Tell ya what," he began, moving forward ever so slowly, "If you find yerself in need of... assistance... I'd be happy t'help."

 

Mark didn't even register that the man in front of him was trying to give him something. Once he snapped out of his daze, he took the small card from his hand. It had his phone number on it, written under "SEAN MCLOUGHLIN, M.D."

"I prefer Jack, by the way."

 

The American looked up to see earnest, but also insecure eyes. A stark contrast to the bold move he just pulled. A soft pink dusted the apples of his cheeks.

"I'll remember that."


End file.
